It lurks around corners and catches you off guard, always at the worst times.

Often, there is absolutely no reason for it to be there.

But it's there. And no matter how much logic you use to fight it, it doesn't let go.

It gives you anxiety. Causes disrupted sleep. It makes you believe that everything that is important to you is just not right.

Coffee fuels it. Sugar excites it. Alcohol gives it super powers. Drugs? Let's not even go there.

Fighting it without the right tools may flip it back and forth into and out of mania. If left for too long, the condition can manifest into bipolar disorder, and further into schizophrenia.

The only way to fight it is with love. And tenderness. And hugs. And real, true friendships. Laughter. Enjoyment. Meaningfulness. And bananas.

Yes. Bananas.

There are so many moments in life where it's possible to be so overcome by fear (fear of the unknown, the uncertainty, the unpredictable outcome) that you can't help but stay on the fence... because it just feels that much safer to not make the ultimate decision of which way to go.

The question to ask yourself is never which way to go, though. Deep down, you had already made an unconscious decision of which way is more preferable to you. It was never a choice of "A" or "B", but rather "to B or not to B". "A" was always just the safer bet that made yourself feel better for having another option, in case you talked yourself out of "B". An option to settle for when you couldn't find the courage to leap for your preference.

Try asking yourself, instead, if you would regret not doing "B". Try centering your courage into believing your innermost desires are truly what would make you happy.

Nobody ever said it would be easy. Nothing that's ever worth it, is. So why choose to go the way you didn't even really want to go, and still have to suffer through it, when you could be battling and fighting for what really, truly matters to you?

We all die at some point. That is a common destination and an undeniable outcome. It is our only predictable future. And we all know that it will happen. We just don't ever know when.

Don't get there with any regret.

Don't let yourself die knowing that there were things you wish you would have done instead.

Maybe it's the whole air about it being September 11th and all, but I've pretty much spent the entire Sunday morning reminiscing on a life long past its prime... a time which was really only less than 5 years ago. So all in all, not really that far back.

Much has changed for me over these 5 years. Different jobs, different circles. Different cities, different continents. Photos and videos take the limelight of this time travel. Watching myself laughing hard with friends from Hatton Garden, to photos of weekly house parties in the Docklands... To think that whatever's happened since then has also come and gone makes me really yearn. I just don't know what for.

Since which era, which dynasty, WHICH MILLENNIUM did the word "no" ever get translated into the male psyche to mean "yes"?

I guess I can't speak for the rest of the female population, but when I say "no", it actually means what it says on the box: No.

Make fun of me and call me names, fine. It doesn't hurt me. But you're not ever going to get me to say yes to something I've already said no to. Must I explain why I don't want to do something? Why does it concern you? I have reasoning for everything I do and I have nobody else to explain it to but myself. So don't go pulling my leg and don't go pushing me down because YES you're just going to get the big, feisty "eph you" if you push me too far.

Get over yourself and stop being so obnoxious. Chicks DON'T dig that. You're not as funny as you think you are.

Rant over.

...that you once played non-stop during a time where the sunshine wouldn't stop, and the feel-good overwhelmed you as you skipped in your step, only to realize that that was a feeling the music carried forward for you where your body had somehow managed to forget?

i get that every now and then.

How negative the connotations are with that word.

Unfortunate.

But it's unfortunate that there is also a lack of a better word, when announcing less than favorable circumstances or outcomes to another individual who is seemingly expecting better than worse.

How would you otherwise explain to someone that they are to be disappointed, without shooting an arrow straight through their heads or their hearts?

"It is to my deepest regret that..." ?

"I'm very sorry to say that..." ?

"I do apologize for the misfortune of..." ?

Is there ever a more positive way to position an unpleasant situation? Is it possible to use only words of lightheartedness to explain something a bit more of the opposite?

My mind is boggled.

It's unfortunate.

About a week ago, I randomly tweeted that my life feels like a startup.

While I'd like to express this thought as some really interesting analogy, the real reason I feel this way is because no matter how it looks I am always just one step away from completely disappearing.

Like startups, if you don't have a circle of people acknowledging you, talking about you outside of you, telling other people about you, you actually cease to exist.

I'm trying my best to sound as least morbid / dark as possible but this is the reality of things.

Outside of all the biz talk, how do YOU assert yourselves in life to avoid being wiped out? Social media? Public appearances? Communicating and listening to your "customers"? Dinners? Drinks?

is trying to maintain your complete sense of self and independence.

Maybe there are people out there who have already mastered this art, but I for one have yet not had this luxury or skill (whatever you want to call it).

I fail miserably when in love. And then am torn to shreds when it's all over.

Yes, valentines day is once again upon us. A day I dread most when I am "alone". Like when old broken bones occasionally hurt when it's cold and humid, the heart clenches so tightly during these so-called love-filled romantic festivals.

Still, I am happy to be on my own this year. Especially as I am able to receive so much more love from my friends, my family, myself... and then some. ;)

Hope you're feeling loved this day. If not, bear in mind there's a lot coming your way.

Happy Valentines Day.

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