dot http://the-dot.posterous.com elfie C.'s alter ego-isms posterous.com Fri, 18 May 2012 06:37:53 -0700 do you ever feel... http://the-dot.posterous.com/do-you-ever-feel http://the-dot.posterous.com/do-you-ever-feel ...like you're running out of things online to see? i mean, there's a shed load of things on the internet, but... it's just... i dunno, i sit here and i just don't feel it anymore. do you get what i mean?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Thu, 05 Apr 2012 21:18:18 -0700 i miss this girl... she's gonna hate me for posting this photo but... http://the-dot.posterous.com/i-miss-this-girl-shes-gonna-hate-me-for-posti http://the-dot.posterous.com/i-miss-this-girl-shes-gonna-hate-me-for-posti
P1060370

she made my life in London bearable during the hardest of times... and i hope that this post finds her happy and in good health... and loving life the way we had agreed we would.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Thu, 22 Mar 2012 05:35:16 -0700 life is a learned experience, http://the-dot.posterous.com/life-is-a-learned-experience http://the-dot.posterous.com/life-is-a-learned-experience and no matter how long you've been going at it, we're all still a bunch of beginners.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Wed, 16 Nov 2011 03:09:00 -0800 depression is irrational http://the-dot.posterous.com/depression-is-irrational http://the-dot.posterous.com/depression-is-irrational

It lurks around corners and catches you off guard, always at the worst times.

Often, there is absolutely no reason for it to be there.

But it's there. And no matter how much logic you use to fight it, it doesn't let go.

It gives you anxiety. Causes disrupted sleep. It makes you believe that everything that is important to you is just not right.

Coffee fuels it. Sugar excites it. Alcohol gives it super powers. Drugs? Let's not even go there.

Fighting it without the right tools may flip it back and forth into and out of mania. If left for too long, the condition can manifest into bipolar disorder, and further into schizophrenia.

The only way to fight it is with love. And tenderness. And hugs. And real, true friendships. Laughter. Enjoyment. Meaningfulness. And bananas.

Yes. Bananas.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Sun, 13 Nov 2011 07:36:52 -0800 they say, you're supposed to just do what you love http://the-dot.posterous.com/they-say-youre-supposed-to-just-do-what-you-l http://the-dot.posterous.com/they-say-youre-supposed-to-just-do-what-you-l and everything else will fall into place.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Sun, 06 Nov 2011 01:48:00 -0800 regret http://the-dot.posterous.com/regret http://the-dot.posterous.com/regret

There are so many moments in life where it's possible to be so overcome by fear (fear of the unknown, the uncertainty, the unpredictable outcome) that you can't help but stay on the fence... because it just feels that much safer to not make the ultimate decision of which way to go.

The question to ask yourself is never which way to go, though. Deep down, you had already made an unconscious decision of which way is more preferable to you. It was never a choice of "A" or "B", but rather "to B or not to B". "A" was always just the safer bet that made yourself feel better for having another option, in case you talked yourself out of "B". An option to settle for when you couldn't find the courage to leap for your preference.

Try asking yourself, instead, if you would regret not doing "B". Try centering your courage into believing your innermost desires are truly what would make you happy.

Nobody ever said it would be easy. Nothing that's ever worth it, is. So why choose to go the way you didn't even really want to go, and still have to suffer through it, when you could be battling and fighting for what really, truly matters to you?

We all die at some point. That is a common destination and an undeniable outcome. It is our only predictable future. And we all know that it will happen. We just don't ever know when.

Don't get there with any regret.

Don't let yourself die knowing that there were things you wish you would have done instead.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Sat, 10 Sep 2011 20:49:00 -0700 a trip down memory lane http://the-dot.posterous.com/a-trip-down-memory-lane http://the-dot.posterous.com/a-trip-down-memory-lane

Maybe it's the whole air about it being September 11th and all, but I've pretty much spent the entire Sunday morning reminiscing on a life long past its prime... a time which was really only less than 5 years ago. So all in all, not really that far back.

Much has changed for me over these 5 years. Different jobs, different circles. Different cities, different continents. Photos and videos take the limelight of this time travel. Watching myself laughing hard with friends from Hatton Garden, to photos of weekly house parties in the Docklands... To think that whatever's happened since then has also come and gone makes me really yearn. I just don't know what for.

They say that change is the only consistent in life. What an understatement. Change seems to be the only thing in my life that I know. To the point where, if there is no change, I feel uncomfortable.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Sat, 27 Aug 2011 19:09:00 -0700 here's a tip: when i say no, it means NO. http://the-dot.posterous.com/heres-a-tip-when-i-say-no-it-means-no http://the-dot.posterous.com/heres-a-tip-when-i-say-no-it-means-no

Since which era, which dynasty, WHICH MILLENNIUM did the word "no" ever get translated into the male psyche to mean "yes"?

I guess I can't speak for the rest of the female population, but when I say "no", it actually means what it says on the box: No.

Make fun of me and call me names, fine. It doesn't hurt me. But you're not ever going to get me to say yes to something I've already said no to. Must I explain why I don't want to do something? Why does it concern you? I have reasoning for everything I do and I have nobody else to explain it to but myself. So don't go pulling my leg and don't go pushing me down because YES you're just going to get the big, feisty "eph you" if you push me too far.

Get over yourself and stop being so obnoxious. Chicks DON'T dig that. You're not as funny as you think you are.

Rant over.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Mon, 30 May 2011 08:06:00 -0700 do you ever listen to a song... http://the-dot.posterous.com/do-you-ever-listen-to-a-song http://the-dot.posterous.com/do-you-ever-listen-to-a-song

...that you once played non-stop during a time where the sunshine wouldn't stop, and the feel-good overwhelmed you as you skipped in your step, only to realize that that was a feeling the music carried forward for you where your body had somehow managed to forget?

i get that every now and then.

there are some songs in this world that i will never be able to shake off that feel-good. some songs that will always take me back to a time when all i could do was smile, and love filled my insides until i could just about vomit.

and yet, listening to these songs now almost certainly brings tears to my eyes, because my body knows those times are now over. and no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you will never bring that time back alive.

it already was. it already has been. from now it's just a story.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Tue, 22 Mar 2011 07:50:00 -0700 the word unfortunate is so unfortunate http://the-dot.posterous.com/the-word-unfortunate-is-so-unfortunate http://the-dot.posterous.com/the-word-unfortunate-is-so-unfortunate

How negative the connotations are with that word.

Unfortunate.

But it's unfortunate that there is also a lack of a better word, when announcing less than favorable circumstances or outcomes to another individual who is seemingly expecting better than worse.

How would you otherwise explain to someone that they are to be disappointed, without shooting an arrow straight through their heads or their hearts?

"It is to my deepest regret that..." ?

"I'm very sorry to say that..." ?

"I do apologize for the misfortune of..." ?

Is there ever a more positive way to position an unpleasant situation? Is it possible to use only words of lightheartedness to explain something a bit more of the opposite?

My mind is boggled.

It's unfortunate.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Wed, 16 Feb 2011 16:55:00 -0800 sometimes I feel like I'm a startup http://the-dot.posterous.com/sometimes-i-feel-like-im-a-startup http://the-dot.posterous.com/sometimes-i-feel-like-im-a-startup

About a week ago, I randomly tweeted that my life feels like a startup.

While I'd like to express this thought as some really interesting analogy, the real reason I feel this way is because no matter how it looks I am always just one step away from completely disappearing.

Like startups, if you don't have a circle of people acknowledging you, talking about you outside of you, telling other people about you, you actually cease to exist.

I'm trying my best to sound as least morbid / dark as possible but this is the reality of things.

Outside of all the biz talk, how do YOU assert yourselves in life to avoid being wiped out? Social media? Public appearances? Communicating and listening to your "customers"? Dinners? Drinks?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Sun, 13 Feb 2011 15:21:00 -0800 one of the hardest things about dating and falling in love... http://the-dot.posterous.com/one-of-the-hardest-things-about-dating-and-fa http://the-dot.posterous.com/one-of-the-hardest-things-about-dating-and-fa

is trying to maintain your complete sense of self and independence.

Maybe there are people out there who have already mastered this art, but I for one have yet not had this luxury or skill (whatever you want to call it).

I fail miserably when in love. And then am torn to shreds when it's all over.

Yes, valentines day is once again upon us. A day I dread most when I am "alone". Like when old broken bones occasionally hurt when it's cold and humid, the heart clenches so tightly during these so-called love-filled romantic festivals.

Still, I am happy to be on my own this year. Especially as I am able to receive so much more love from my friends, my family, myself... and then some. ;)

Hope you're feeling loved this day. If not, bear in mind there's a lot coming your way.

Happy Valentines Day.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Tue, 21 Dec 2010 06:16:00 -0800 .. . http://the-dot.posterous.com/37057826 http://the-dot.posterous.com/37057826

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Sun, 21 Nov 2010 06:48:00 -0800 i take the bus, what about you? http://the-dot.posterous.com/i-take-the-bus-what-about-you http://the-dot.posterous.com/i-take-the-bus-what-about-you

There are so many bus analogies out there, but I couldn't help but add another onto the list.

See, if you're someone that likes to create their own destiny, often you'll find that there is still a significant lag time for seeds to become wheat; there's always a test of patience somewhere along the line for results to come to fruition.

I hate to say it, but it's that nasty thing called Fate. And sometimes, we just have to be patient with it.

This is how I see it:

You want to catch this bus.

You know exactly when and where to catch it.

You run to the bus stop super early so as not to miss it.

Then you end up getting agitated because you realize it's started raining and you aren't even on it yet.

Perception has it that you eventually blame the bus for being late, because it's not there when you are.

The bus gets a little stuck in traffic - the world is not perfect.

You start to pace; you feel like you no longer wait...

At this point, this is where a lot of us would cave to our impatience and storm off; we try another mode of transport or throw our hands up in the air in complete disgust because we feel our time is wasted. But what we refuse to see is that, all along, we've wanted to catch this very specific bus.

So why all the fuss?

Patience will get you your bus.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Tue, 16 Nov 2010 16:28:00 -0800 they say, moving on is one of the hardest things to do in life http://the-dot.posterous.com/they-say-moving-on-is-one-of-the-hardest-thin http://the-dot.posterous.com/they-say-moving-on-is-one-of-the-hardest-thin

Whether you're trying to move on from a hurtful friend, an unfaithful lover, or even an undesirable career: moving on takes a lot more strength than we perceive.

The first step is knowing exactly what's holding you back.

Sometimes it's an answer from someone else. A simple answer that somehow got misconstrued because of unintended miscommunication. It happens. Find your answer.

Sometimes it's because of an (often) irrational fear of what's ahead. Ever read the book, "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway"?

And sometimes, just sometimes, it's because we hold onto a hope that things will get better. We want to believe that what we see is not true. And we want to think that we didn't make a mistake in the first place, of putting all the effort and energy into something we hold so close.

It's tough, dealing with passions. Especially when things go awry.

But it's ok. Things go wrong all the time. And in a years time, what seems difficult now will hardly mean a thing.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Mon, 08 Nov 2010 18:31:00 -0800 .. http://the-dot.posterous.com/32925570 http://the-dot.posterous.com/32925570

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan Fri, 05 Nov 2010 02:56:00 -0700 . http://the-dot.posterous.com/32541177 http://the-dot.posterous.com/32541177

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/477108/18135_295908291754_506771754_3985394_708887_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/15X1tnfozwR elfreda Chan elfie C. elfreda Chan